Archive for February, 2008

what is this ‘customer service’ you speak of?

Posted in bewilderness, crazy unadulterated bullshit, greed and avarice, ignorance and arrogance, just phucking funny, tales of my sanity have been greatly exaggerated, The Right Thing, W T F ? on February 17, 2008 by whyvonne

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i love this one…

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sweetheart’s day

Posted in just phucking funny, love, Uncategorized on February 14, 2008 by whyvonne

 WOMAN’S LOVE POEM 

     Before I lay me down to sleep,
     I pray for a man, who’s not a creep,
     One who’s handsome, smart and strong,
     One who loves to listen long.
     One who thinks before he speaks,
     One who’ll call, not wait for weeks.
     I pray he’s gainfully employed,
     When I spend his cash, won’t be annoyed.
     Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
     Massages my back and begs to do more.
     Oh! Send me a man who’ll make love to my mind,
     Knows what to answer to “how big is my behind?”
     I pray that this man will love me to no end,
     And always be my very best friend.
     

 MAN’S LOVE POEM

      I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with
      Huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,
      And loves to send me fishing and hunting. This
      Doesn’t rhyme and I don’t give a shit.

 thanks to cowgalutah for today’s e-mail! {giggle} 

“the Cafe Nervosa” {or, tossed salad & scrambled eggs}

Posted in art, chemistry, fambly and friends, grateful, just phucking funny, worth watching on February 8, 2008 by whyvonne
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watching back-to-back re-runs of FRASIER, i recently had the pleasure of seeing some of the episodes from one of the first seasons. the writers are incredible {David Angell, Peter Casey, David Lee}; line after line made me laugh out loud. at this point, it seems they are just beginning to establish the characters, so it’s a little over the top…but the chemistry between kelsey grammer and david hyde pierce is unmistakable and a thing of wonderment. memorable quotes

this particular episode {season 2, episode 3) featured nathan lane and aired in february 1995.

it is the only comedy series to date that has won 5 consecutive “outstanding comedy series” emmys. trivia       

now, if they would just bring back “the education of max bickford,” “joan of arcadia” and “dead zone,” this would be one deliriously happy girl.

off to amazon.com,
y

oh, yes…and come naked

Posted in bewilderness, just phucking funny, Uncategorized on February 8, 2008 by whyvonne

Australian Tourism Questions
These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour. 
__________________________________________________ 

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK). 

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. 

__________________________________________________ 

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA) 

A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking. 

__________________________________________________ 

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney – can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) 

A: Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, take lots of water. 

__________________________________________________ 

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns,Townsville andHervey Bay? (UK) 

A: What did your last slave die of? 

__________________________________________________ 

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA) 

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not …. oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked. 

__________________________________________________ 

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? ( USA) 

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions. 

_________________________________________________ 

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? ( UK) 

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do. 

__________________________________________________ 

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA) 

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is … oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked. 

__________________________________________________ 

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK) 

A: You are a British politician, right? 

__________________________________________________ 

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany) 

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal. 

__________________________________________________ 

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA) 

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets. 

__________________________________________________ 

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA) 

A: It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking. 

__________________________________________________ 

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA) 

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. 

__________________________________________________ 

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy) 

A: Yes, gay night clubs. 

__________________________________________________ 

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? ( France) 

A: Only at Christmas. 

__________________________________________________ 

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? (USA) 

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour. 

__________________________________________________ 

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA) 

A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first.





thanks to channing’s brother, jay for this one.
my personal favorite: “I have a question about a famous animal…”
unfortunately, it originated from the US.{guh!}
enjoy!  🙂

help. my inner child is demanding an iPhone…

Posted in carpe diem!, crazy unadulterated bullshit, greed and avarice, just phucking funny, my inner child, nurturing, tales of my sanity have been greatly exaggerated, The Right Thing, Uncategorized, W T F ? on February 3, 2008 by whyvonne
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yes, it’s true. needy little bitch won’t let it go, either.

this has nothing to do with reason or responsibility or The Right Thing.

i just want it.