oh, yes…and come naked

Australian Tourism Questions
These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour. 
__________________________________________________ 

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK). 

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. 

__________________________________________________ 

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA) 

A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking. 

__________________________________________________ 

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney – can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) 

A: Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, take lots of water. 

__________________________________________________ 

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns,Townsville andHervey Bay? (UK) 

A: What did your last slave die of? 

__________________________________________________ 

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA) 

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not …. oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked. 

__________________________________________________ 

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? ( USA) 

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions. 

_________________________________________________ 

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? ( UK) 

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do. 

__________________________________________________ 

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA) 

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is … oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked. 

__________________________________________________ 

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK) 

A: You are a British politician, right? 

__________________________________________________ 

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany) 

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal. 

__________________________________________________ 

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA) 

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets. 

__________________________________________________ 

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA) 

A: It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking. 

__________________________________________________ 

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA) 

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. 

__________________________________________________ 

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy) 

A: Yes, gay night clubs. 

__________________________________________________ 

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? ( France) 

A: Only at Christmas. 

__________________________________________________ 

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? (USA) 

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour. 

__________________________________________________ 

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA) 

A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first.





thanks to channing’s brother, jay for this one.
my personal favorite: “I have a question about a famous animal…”
unfortunately, it originated from the US.{guh!}
enjoy!  🙂
Advertisements

6 Responses to “oh, yes…and come naked”

  1. Jeeze, and I thought I wanted to visit Australia before, now I really want to go

    *

    REPLY:

    LOL, i think i really want to go just to get away from the USA!
    someone over there has a wonderful sense of humor…

    thanQ for stopping by,
    – yvonne

  2. ROTFLMAO
    oh my gosh…that is great!
    I’m almost ashamed that I understood most of the questions… Not that I thought they were asking the right questions though!

    *

    REPLY:

    just phucking phunny!
    i think a lot of people simply talk before they really think things through.
    admittedly, some of them made some kind of sense to me, too…
    the webmaster wasn’t too maganimous with info, but he sure got a lot of laughs!

    nice to see you again!
    ~ y

  3. I’ll be sending a dear friend by for a look at this.
    And I’ll be sending you an awesome Aussie link.
    Very funny, mate
    Watch out for those “Drop Bears”.
    Ever heard of “Dilligaf”? (there’ll be a quiz later this week on Australia) :o)
    ~m

    *

    REPLY:

    hmm…not sure, but…
    Do I Look Like I Give A Fuck?
    🙂

  4. ROTFLMFAO….being an Aussie, I can see the humor in all of these, but some more than others…the “drop” bears became part of a beer ad {about men trying to get laid, no shock there} we have some of THE most venomous snakes in the world, so i can’t wait to see someone try to make a pet out of a taipan, and kings cross is THE place to get naked, given it’s the red light district…not too sure the girls will appreciate being called hippo’s, but hey, sometimes the cap fits…the vienna boys choir won’t care will they??
    got sent the link by a mutual friend…great laugh first thing sunday morning…

    *

    REPLY:

    thanQ so much for dropping by!
    hope to see you again soon…

    question: i am a nurse and asked an young female aussie patient to disrobe and put on a “johnnie” {a hospital robe} in preparation for her physical. she and her mum got into a fit of giggles! do you know why?
    😉

  5. could be several reasons for that…prime ministers name {until recently} was john howard…VERY short man and commonly known as “little johnnie”, many aussie men refer to their pride and joy as “johnnie” {can’t have a stranger making 99% of their decisions, so they name it} but then they change the name when the prime minister changes, to the name of the new prime minister, cos they think he’s a dick….aussies can make a joke of anything at all….nothing is scared….
    as i say to ~m on a regular basis, you guys talk funny anyway, so it may just have struck their funny bone…
    😉

    *

    REPLY:

    ahhhh, well…it was suggested that it was a slang term for ‘condom!’
    not sure if someone was just “bustin’ me…”
    – funny talkin’ whyvonne 😉

  6. yeah, sounds like they were takin’ the piss phunny talkin’ whyvonne
    😆
    never heard of a condom being referred to as a johnnie, but then different states call different things different names….given we only have 5 states it can get confusing…mind you i AM easily confused sometimes
    😯

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: