Archive for the bewilderness Category

fragility

Posted in bewilderness, changes, fact or fiction?, heartache, herself, ignorance and arrogance, inner peace, mindphuck, possible tragic events, the burdens of being upright, the darkness, trust on June 28, 2014 by whyvonne

blue

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fragile, fractured bird
Afraid of her own shadow
Convinced that every swift movement
Is a cause for concern

Certainly every male with a predatory intention,
sensing a weak resolve,
Will seek her out for his own self-elevation

Not alone by choice, lonely
Alone of her own volition, lost

Huddled in a tight ball of her own wings
Protecting herself….
Like no one else can.

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dear mom,

Posted in a series of unfortunate events, acts of nature, bewilderness, changes, crossing over, growth & change, heartache, herself, inner peace, love, mindphuck, my inner child, shades of grey, silence, the blues, the burdens of being upright, the darkness on May 13, 2013 by whyvonne

yesterday was Mother’s Day; tomorrow would have been your 75th birthday.

I stood at your gravesite yesterday, and marveled at how lost I felt.

you’ve only been Gone From Me for 122 days. not that I’m counting…but it seems a marker…a placeholder in my life, to gauge the passage of time.

mine is a Complicated Grief, they tell me…since ours was a Complicated Relationship. when you Crossed Over, any hope of us ever having a true, nurturing relationship, died with you.

I keep trying to remind myself that yours was not an easy life…in part because you suffered through so many tragedies at so young an age: with John dying, then baby Shawn, and your father, all within 2 years of each other. such a huge series of losses…and I believe you were only 27. also in part because you chose such an unhappy path, and many unhealthy life choices. it is not my place to judge you, but you HAVE TO KNOW that I was always THAT GIRL, standing, stuck, in the greeting card aisle year after year on Mother’s Day…at a loss since Hallmark didn’t produce cards that spoke my truth.

life is complicated, and messy, and God knows all that and loves us anyway. I am sad that you never sought professional grief counseling after your Trinity of Loss. I am angry that you sought solace in drink, and couldn’t see the pain and devastation you wrought. I am bereft that you couldn’t be the Mother that I needed….ever.

but today, I am just crestfallen that this little girl doesn’t have her Mama anymore.

love, and peace,
yvonne elizabeth

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Mother’s Day 2013

Posted in a series of unfortunate events, acts of nature, bewilderness, changes, crossing over, growth & change, heartache, inner peace, love, mindphuck, my inner child, silence, the burdens of being upright, the darkness on May 12, 2013 by whyvonne

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122 days since you left.

I’m writing you a letter now.

I love you.

your little girl,
yvonne

wow.

Posted in art, bewilderness, grateful, herself, humble and grateful, hump-worthy, love, progress, not perfection, stirring of the soul, the burdens of being upright, trust on April 6, 2009 by whyvonne

 

front page!

thanks to all who came out on saturday evening 
to the reception for “new beginnings”
at the
sturbridge coffeehouse

thank you to pia and jen
for the opportunity…

thanks also to jonathan cook
of the
sturbridge town common
for the story…

and thank you to bruce and michael
for the lovely acoustic tunes,
particularly “body of my soul”…
(i only hope i can do
the background vocals justice…)

love & peace,
~ yvonne

unit 28

Posted in a series of unfortunate events, bewilderness, Christ-in-a-sidecar, heartache, love, mindphuck, offspring, possible tragic events, survivors, the blues, the burdens of being upright, the darkness on March 26, 2009 by whyvonne

dark and dimming
so hopelessly sans hope,
you tried your hand again

what can i do for you? my plaintive wail
“put me back in your womb.”

helpless, shaking, spun around
feelings overwhelm and
i coccoon myself…

saturated with details
meetings, and calls
playing the game,
repeating your name
it’s all the same

i am here for you.
i fight for you, i comfort you
i cry for you, would die for you.
but who will save me?

every choice is worth your while.

Posted in art, bewilderness, changes, growth & change, inner peace, lyrical, worth watching on January 20, 2009 by whyvonne

taciturn

Posted in a series of unfortunate events, bewilderness, heartache, herself, love, mindphuck, possible tragic events, silence, the burdens of being upright, trust on November 17, 2008 by whyvonne

 

 

breakthru

conflicted, northampton

 

on holiday from this and many other things…

please excuse me while i try to figure out just exactly whatthephuck i think i’m doing. because, seriously, i thought i knew…