Archive for the crossing over Category

dear mom,

Posted in a series of unfortunate events, acts of nature, bewilderness, changes, crossing over, growth & change, heartache, herself, inner peace, love, mindphuck, my inner child, shades of grey, silence, the blues, the burdens of being upright, the darkness on May 13, 2013 by whyvonne

yesterday was Mother’s Day; tomorrow would have been your 75th birthday.

I stood at your gravesite yesterday, and marveled at how lost I felt.

you’ve only been Gone From Me for 122 days. not that I’m counting…but it seems a marker…a placeholder in my life, to gauge the passage of time.

mine is a Complicated Grief, they tell me…since ours was a Complicated Relationship. when you Crossed Over, any hope of us ever having a true, nurturing relationship, died with you.

I keep trying to remind myself that yours was not an easy life…in part because you suffered through so many tragedies at so young an age: with John dying, then baby Shawn, and your father, all within 2 years of each other. such a huge series of losses…and I believe you were only 27. also in part because you chose such an unhappy path, and many unhealthy life choices. it is not my place to judge you, but you HAVE TO KNOW that I was always THAT GIRL, standing, stuck, in the greeting card aisle year after year on Mother’s Day…at a loss since Hallmark didn’t produce cards that spoke my truth.

life is complicated, and messy, and God knows all that and loves us anyway. I am sad that you never sought professional grief counseling after your Trinity of Loss. I am angry that you sought solace in drink, and couldn’t see the pain and devastation you wrought. I am bereft that you couldn’t be the Mother that I needed….ever.

but today, I am just crestfallen that this little girl doesn’t have her Mama anymore.

love, and peace,
yvonne elizabeth

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Mother’s Day 2013

Posted in a series of unfortunate events, acts of nature, bewilderness, changes, crossing over, growth & change, heartache, inner peace, love, mindphuck, my inner child, silence, the burdens of being upright, the darkness on May 12, 2013 by whyvonne

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122 days since you left.

I’m writing you a letter now.

I love you.

your little girl,
yvonne

crossing over

Posted in crossing over, fathers and daughters, grateful, stirring of the soul on June 14, 2007 by whyvonne

a close girlfriend called to tell me her dad has crossed over. he was 81 years old, and suffered from dementia. he spent a couple of nightmarish days suffering MI’s in the hospital prior to slipping away, while surrounded by his loving wife and children.

in short, losing a loved one always hurts. whether you are close or estranged, no matter if you last spent time with them 3 hours ago or 3 years ago.

i can only imagine that it hurts worse when he has just celebrated his birthday, and father’s day is right around the bend.

this lovely sentiment was in the bulletin at his wake, formatted and printed by his granddaughter. i had never met the man, but was quite moved nonetheless. add to it the increasingly popular photo DVD set to music, and several picture collages the family had prepared…and i was reduced to mush.

i know i am incredibly fortunate to still have my daddy on this side, and to watch my son grow into his role as an amazing father to little miss abigail.

***

death is nothing at all….

i have only slipped into the next room.

i am i, and you are you.

whatever we were to each other, that we are still.

call me by my old familiar name,

speak to me in the easy way you always used.

put no difference into your tone.

wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

laugh as we always laughed

at the little joke we enjoyed together.

*

play, smile, think of me, pray for me.

let my name ever be the household word that it always was.

let it be spoken without effort,

without the ghost of a shadow on it.

*

life means all that it ever meant.

it is the same as it ever was;

there is absolute unbroken continuity…

why should i be out of your mind if i am out of sight?

i am waiting for you at an interval,

somewhere very near, just around the corner.

all is well.

-henry scott holland

a heartfelt “happy father’s day” to all of you who are blessed by children, no matter how old, no matter how far away.

there is an extra-special connection between fathers and daughters…no matter how old i become, i will always be my daddy’s “little girl.”

*please take a moment to visit: http://www.zhibit.org/yvonne/calligraphy/silent-house-lyrics

Goodbye Ernie

Posted in acts of nature, crossing over, grateful on April 22, 2006 by whyvonne

goodbye to our friend Ernie, the “old guy” who crossed over on 04-05-06. we will cherish the memories we made together, and we are grateful that we got to know you. i know that you are in a better place now, with loved ones who have been waiting to see you again. we’re so happy that you got some extra time after being so ill two years ago….but we never gave up hope, and neither did you. anytime i am in gloucester, or pass by O’Connor’s, i will think of you, with love.