Archive for the growth & change Category

dear mom,

Posted in a series of unfortunate events, acts of nature, bewilderness, changes, crossing over, growth & change, heartache, herself, inner peace, love, mindphuck, my inner child, shades of grey, silence, the blues, the burdens of being upright, the darkness on May 13, 2013 by whyvonne

yesterday was Mother’s Day; tomorrow would have been your 75th birthday.

I stood at your gravesite yesterday, and marveled at how lost I felt.

you’ve only been Gone From Me for 122 days. not that I’m counting…but it seems a marker…a placeholder in my life, to gauge the passage of time.

mine is a Complicated Grief, they tell me…since ours was a Complicated Relationship. when you Crossed Over, any hope of us ever having a true, nurturing relationship, died with you.

I keep trying to remind myself that yours was not an easy life…in part because you suffered through so many tragedies at so young an age: with John dying, then baby Shawn, and your father, all within 2 years of each other. such a huge series of losses…and I believe you were only 27. also in part because you chose such an unhappy path, and many unhealthy life choices. it is not my place to judge you, but you HAVE TO KNOW that I was always THAT GIRL, standing, stuck, in the greeting card aisle year after year on Mother’s Day…at a loss since Hallmark didn’t produce cards that spoke my truth.

life is complicated, and messy, and God knows all that and loves us anyway. I am sad that you never sought professional grief counseling after your Trinity of Loss. I am angry that you sought solace in drink, and couldn’t see the pain and devastation you wrought. I am bereft that you couldn’t be the Mother that I needed….ever.

but today, I am just crestfallen that this little girl doesn’t have her Mama anymore.

love, and peace,
yvonne elizabeth

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Mother’s Day 2013

Posted in a series of unfortunate events, acts of nature, bewilderness, changes, crossing over, growth & change, heartache, inner peace, love, mindphuck, my inner child, silence, the burdens of being upright, the darkness on May 12, 2013 by whyvonne

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122 days since you left.

I’m writing you a letter now.

I love you.

your little girl,
yvonne

every choice is worth your while.

Posted in art, bewilderness, changes, growth & change, inner peace, lyrical, worth watching on January 20, 2009 by whyvonne

you.

Posted in bewilderness, growth & change, heartache, love, shades of grey, stirring of the soul, trust on September 26, 2008 by whyvonne


eyes wide shut
narrowing my world
til only you shine through

a sliver of light
illuminating
my heart in blue

closing every door
except those
i leave open

…only for you.

wherever you go, there you are…

Posted in bewilderness, growth & change, heartache, herself, inner peace, love, my inner child, shades of grey, survivors, tales of my sanity have been greatly exaggerated, the blues, the burdens of being upright, the darkness, trust, Uncategorized, W T F ? on August 8, 2008 by whyvonne

there’s an elephant in my living room!
{her name is MissTrust}
i try to lead her gently out the back door,
but she won’t budge.

i step around her gingerly,
and sometimes make believe she isn’t there.
but there she remains…

she has grown quite fat
over the years,
for so many have fed her,
unknowingly – unwittingly;
 without discretion or reservation.

she feels very comfortable here now,
welcome and nurtured…
so happy in her vastness.

i think i’ll let her stay
as long as she’d like,
and make my heart her home.

yvonne, at 47.91666

Posted in art, carpe diem!, fambly and friends, growth & change, herself, humble and grateful, in the summertime, inner peace, love, my inner child, nurturing, precious & few, sunshine, Uncategorized on July 17, 2008 by whyvonne

these days are my summer
i shall not want

i will lie down in green pastures
and dream as the clouds float by,
feeling the wind caress my skin

i will attend concerts and shows
and celebrate the wonder of gifted musicians

i will go barefoot as often as possible
and feel the earth embrace my skin

i will absorb the sunshine
and marvel in its healing rays

i will stay up late
and awaken at the last possible moment

i will go for long lazy stolls through wooded areas
and let my thoughts ebb and flow,
as easily as the oceantide

i will exalt over the bounty of the season
reveling in the sweet taste of fresh summer fruit, freshly caught fish
and the occasional oh-so-necessary ice cream cone

i will recline as i see fit,
and Do Nothing,
and Not Bother

i will accept every invitation
without reservation
or hesitation
to go forth and recreate

so i can gather these happy, tired
sand-encrusted, SPF-scented memories
and recall them in the deadness of my winter

yea, though i walk
through the valley of the shadow
of No Accrued Vacation Time,
i shall not fear
  
 i will seize each day
and let each day seize me!
 

daddy 06-15-08

Posted in everyday angels, fathers and daughters, grateful, growth & change, humble and grateful, love, my inner child, nurturing, offspring, precious & few, stirring of the soul, trust, Uncategorized on June 20, 2008 by whyvonne
happy father’s day

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

to you, JRA, 
my hero-
larger than life;
the first man i ever loved…
the only one that calls me “baby”
my daddy

i’ll love you forever
i’ll like you for always
as long as i’m living
my baby you’ll be!                                         ~rm