Archive for the ignorance and arrogance Category

fragility

Posted in bewilderness, changes, fact or fiction?, heartache, herself, ignorance and arrogance, inner peace, mindphuck, possible tragic events, the burdens of being upright, the darkness, trust on June 28, 2014 by whyvonne

blue

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fragile, fractured bird
Afraid of her own shadow
Convinced that every swift movement
Is a cause for concern

Certainly every male with a predatory intention,
sensing a weak resolve,
Will seek her out for his own self-elevation

Not alone by choice, lonely
Alone of her own volition, lost

Huddled in a tight ball of her own wings
Protecting herself….
Like no one else can.

e-mails worth reading….

Posted in bewilderness, Christ-in-a-sidecar, crazy unadulterated bullshit, ignorance and arrogance, jesus krispies!, just phucking funny, smucking BRILLIANT!, W T F ? on August 6, 2008 by whyvonne

hoping you have the time to read this in its entirety, particularly the response of LK at the end. these guys smucking kill me!  ~ WHYvonne

     

So- there’s a new Demotivator this week.  It’s called Sanity.  But before I go into any detail about that design, allow me to flash back to around this time last week.

You see, to my absolute amazement, our recent issue of the Wailing List generated an outpouring of offended replies from people who apparently find the idea of making fun of Government to be tantamount to blasphemy.  I excerpt an email below for your consideration:

Date: Mon, 28 Jul 2008 20:22:35 -0400
From: "Allison (REMOVED)" (ally.(REMOVED)@(REMOVED).gov)
Subject: Re: The Wailing List - Government
To: The Wailing List
Your latest design about GOVERNMENT is reprehensible in the extreme!  What are we to infer from it?  That you would prefer anarchy?  Everyone loves to mock the government- right up until the point where they actually need it!  And make no mistake, you (EXPLETIVE REMOVED) need it!  
Ever driven on a state highway?  Guess where it came from?  It wasn't built by American Indians!  It was built by your own government!
Ever send your children to public school?  Ever call 911 in an emergency? Ever visit a public park?  I'm sure snotty (EXPLETIVE REMOVED) like you wouldn't dare taint yourself by depending on government in such a situation!  Right?!
Hey- here's a funny question!

 

You ever been on a watchlist?  Well, if you haven't, you're about to be.  I'm forwarding your "hilarious" new design to a friend at the DHS who loves to stay abreast of "comedians" who mock government.  One of your call center employees was kind enough to tell me the name of the gentleman who wrote that oh-so-funny Demotivater(sic)-  so please tell Daniel (REMOVED) that his name will be included in my e-mail.  We'll see how funny he thinks it is the next time he tries to hop on a commercial jet!  I think he'll see the exquisite irony of the whole situation right then and there- when he has his no-no zones thoroughly scrutinized by a- wait for it!- A GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEE!

 

If you think I'm kidding, think again.  Tell your snarky little coworker Mr. (REMOVED) he ought to read up on "MAIN CORE".  Because it's going to be reading up on HIM in about an hour from now!

Sincerely annoyed-as-hell-at-you,
Allison (REMOVED)

 

 

 

 

 

While this was the most forceful reply I received, it certainly wasn’t the only angry one.  I’m frankly still astonished by the flood of responses.  It was a joke- inspired no doubt by the never-ending parade of political stupidity coming from both houses of Congress and both political parties*.  Only a joke.

I have been slowly working my way through replies- but in the case of the above, I forwarded it to Daniel- the author of that particular Demotivator and asked him to respond to the offended customer directly, if he cared to do so.

24 hours later- he had written his reply to the customer- and copied me.  His reply was simply in the form of a picture.  A new Demotivator called Sanity– apparently inspired by the threats of a deeply-offended, big-government loving statist.

That design is now available in lithograph and desktopper formats.  And guess what?  The lithograph is available for only $9.95- as are all of our lithographs for the month of August.

And- if that wasn’t good enough- I’ve got yet another bit of good news. Overwhelmed with his own feelings of superiority, Daniel also suggested we use offer a coupon code this week for our Superiori-Tee.  If you want to get this tee for $5, simply use the coupon code “nonozone” (no quotes).  

This offer is even valid for you, Allison! You may love big government- but given your history of only buying things when we offer super-discounts, I know you love heap big savings** even more!  Why- you ask- are we letting you in on the deal? Because your invocation of the haven’t-heard-it-since-1977 of  “no no zones” led to the biggest explosion of laughter from the writers’ room that I’ve ever heard! No joke!

So- there you have it.  A new design- inspired by an angry customer’s response to a recent design- and a great set of discounts on posters and an unprecedented discount on our most popular t-shirt!  

(He said, bracing himself for a new flood of email complaints from easily offended parachutists and/or crazy people…)
* What- you need examples?  How about corn ethanol subsidies that are causing food riots?  Or $5 trillion added to the public debt a couple of weeks ago in order to prop up Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac? Or a Treasury Secretary who- despite statements to the contrary is apparently is a strong proponent of a Flaccid Dollar Policy which is helping to drive up the costs of our gasoline, food, the products Despair manufactures and the shipping charges to get them to you!  What about Alan Greenspan getting paid $100,000 to give speeches to multi-millionaire bankers about the potential for a complete economic meltdown created by- wait for it- Sir Alan Greenspan himself! As he created the world’s greatest economic bubble by lowering interest rates to 1% for ages- while he encouraged Americans to get adjustable-rate-mortgages during his employ at the oh-it-might-as-well-be-a-part-of-our-government the Federal Reserve. (Interest rates were 1%! 1%! WHY should Americans get an adjustable rate mortgage when interest rates were at 50 year lows? Was there some thought that might take rates down to 0%- and you sure wouldn’t want Americans to be locked in at 1% if that happened, Sir Alan?!)
Come on- Allison!  I’m a college dropout and I’ve got better sense!  But if you find yourself offended by my comments, don’t bother to call the call center to get my name.  If you feel you have to report me to the DHS for being critical of some of the idiotic government actions I list above- my real name is Lawrence Kersten.  (No relation to the company founder/spokesman by that name…)
**  Oh, and by the way, Allison, I’m 1/8th Cherokee Indian by blood- and that 1/8th of me took offense at your cheap comment about the highway system not being built by my people.  I forwarded your comments to my father- who is 1/4th Cherokee (and actually registered with the Cherokee Nation). He was twice as offended as I was but told me to let it go.  “You don’t really have the right to be offended by that, son.  Technically, with 1/8th blood, you’re not really qualified to be.” So I asked him what rights I might enjoy, given I had only a half-of-a-quarter of Cherokee blood.  He said I can’t own a casino and won’t qualify for very many scholarships, but that I could probably get away with using “heap big” every once in a while.  So now I have.  I hope you’ll choose your words more carefully next time. Some of us are easily offended.
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

what is this ‘customer service’ you speak of?

Posted in bewilderness, crazy unadulterated bullshit, greed and avarice, ignorance and arrogance, just phucking funny, tales of my sanity have been greatly exaggerated, The Right Thing, W T F ? on February 17, 2008 by whyvonne

billpay.jpg

i love this one…

never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups

Posted in ignorance and arrogance, just phucking funny, making a difference, offspring, shades of grey, tales of my sanity have been greatly exaggerated, the darkness, W T F ? on January 4, 2008 by whyvonne

idiocy.jpg

hmmm….where to begin?

yesterday i got an urgent phone call from the vice-principal of my son’s {public} school. when he didn’t reach the landline {yep, still have one!}, he called my cell phone. apparently they had to confiscate a weapon from my 10 year-old son.

“my God!” i exclaimed {eyes rolling upward},”did anyone get hurt?”

the weapon in question was an M-16 assault rifle…
um, made by HASBRO for…
um, G.I. Phucking Joes.

they wouldn’t give it back to him. they insisted i drive to the school to pick it up. wouldn’t send it home in a sealed envelope. no, sir. had to go pick it up, because it “raised some eyebrows.”

above is a photo of the reason my son got “in trouble” at school yesterday. now i feel compelled to do some lengthy internet research to discover just how many serial killers played with G.I. Joes as children.

“well, ya know, bubba, you just cain’t be too careful these days.”
those are MY tax dollars, hard at work, baby.

as stephen king would say, “fuck me freddy.”

i love my country, it’s my government i fear…

Posted in greed and avarice, ignorance and arrogance, inner peace, just phucking funny on November 3, 2007 by whyvonne

A Montana cowboy is overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advances out of a dust cloud towards him.

The  driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many  cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?”

The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at  his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure. Why not?”

The  yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to  his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the  digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a  response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the  cowboy and says, “You have exactly 1,586  cows and calves.”

“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my  calves,” says the cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the  animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the cowboy says to the young man, “Hey,  if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?”

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why  not?”

“You’re a Congressman for the U.S. Government”, says the cowboy. 

“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”

“No guessing required.” answered the cowboy.

“You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don’t know a thing about cows…this is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog.”

TODAY’S LAUGH COURTESY OF MY DADDY, J.R.A. II {THE RELUCTANT BLOGGER}
OF TEMPE, AZ.

against my better judgment….

Posted in acts of nature, ignorance and arrogance, just phucking funny on September 10, 2007 by whyvonne

viva-viagra.gif

    ok, so it IS pretty funny….but might be better set to music! {oh, wait…it IS set to music on the new commercial!}  what’s disturbing is trying to explain to my 10 year-old that “viva viagra!” was not made famous by an elvis movie….

    actually, i am somewhat relieved that the word “priapism” has actually made it onto the airwaves. “if you have an erection that lasts for more than 4 hours….,” although serious and certainly painful, is also difficult to explain to said offspring. unfortunately for me, i usually finish that sentence by thinking, “….hell, why would you seek medical attention? wouldn’t you want to run out and share the love?”    

    ok, enough of that. this subject matter can be really, well… hard.

 Subject: Pharmacology
 
     In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen. 
     The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin. 
     Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of “cocktails”, “highballs” and just a good old-fashioned “stiff drink”. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

sure, it would HAVE TO be a concoction!

laugh-du-jour courtesy of sandy c.; thanks, sweetie!

never challenge “worse”….

Posted in greed and avarice, ignorance and arrogance, the darkness, trust on August 19, 2007 by whyvonne

my “wanted” poster:

have you seen this bike?   

bike3.jpg

{click to enlarge}

  it was stolen, along with the cable lock and brand new 3-bike rack, off the back of my green Ford Explorer, from the Residence Inn Marriott Worcester’s well-lit front parking lot sometime between 7:30 pm Friday (17 August) night and 11:30 am Saturday morning. the entire setup was cut off the back of the truck. it is a small frame Specialized Expedition model, deep green, with carbon fiber water bottle cage. Worcester detectives and Bicycle Alley have serial #.

reward offered ~ call 508-XXX-XXXX