Archive for the tales of my sanity have been greatly exaggerated Category

a conversation with stephen king

Posted in art, carpe diem!, Christ-in-a-sidecar, grateful, humble and grateful, hump-worthy, jesus krispies!, making a difference, precious & few, smucking BRILLIANT!, stephen king, stirring of the soul, tales of my sanity have been greatly exaggerated on November 11, 2008 by whyvonne

 

totally unauthorized photo of steve and...that other author
totally unauthorized photo of steve and…that other author

so, simon and schuster/scribner graciously pre-released a big batch o’ king’s latest book last thursday, and, in cooperation with the odyssey bookshop in south hadley, massachusetts, hosted “a conversation with stephen king and richard russo” at mount holysmoke college. i was fortunate enough to score a ticket when they were released, hence this post. for those of you who weren’t, the new title “just after sunset” is being released to the uh, general public, today. {giggle.}

 
by the time odyssey bookshop owners had read through their list of “thank you’s” and the history of the bookstore, i was up to page 37 or so. “just after sunset” is a collection of short stories spurned on by stephen’s recent experience editing the annual “best american short stories” series in 2006. during the evening he talked about the form, and how he hoped he could rekindle his excitement and proficiency at this particular style of writing. uh, mission accomplished, mr. king.
 
whether you know me or not, or wish to, you still may not know that i am one of stevie’s biggest cockadoodie fans! i have an entire bookshelf in my living room with only His books adorning the shelves. these include the hardcover and paperback editions, and a few duplicates for some God-knows-why reason.
some of his expressions and exclamations have made their way into my everyday language {i.e.: jesus krispies!, fuck me freddy, christ-in-a-sidecar, and do the day, and let the day do you!}. i have everything he’s ever written, including some audiobooks, and mostly everything that’s ever been written about him. to me, his biggest appeal is that he carries you right into the story, crafting characters that are so familiar, likeable or not, that you recognize them as people you already know. then he introduces a bizarre element, something you normally couldn’t even fathom, but since he’s already reeled you in…you just accept it, and read on. the horror genre is not all about monsters and boogeymen; sometimes it encompasses the horror of the mind that grips your very soul and can be just as paralytically terrifying as being stalked by a rabid dog on a hot summer day.
…in no particular order, the high-est-lights of the evening, IMHO, were as follows:
  • handing my literary hero my $160 monteverde fountain pen, {when i removed the cap, there was a resounding CLICK! in the auditorium, stevie’s security guy standing behind him raised one eyebrow, then probably realized i didn’t look like much of a threat}, and somehow stammering “i am a calligrapher. would you use my pen?” i had something else exceptionally brilliant to follow that, but instead morphed into a 12 year-old girl needing to buy a vowel. i exited left as gracefully as i could, being herded along by the rest of the crowd, happy in the knowledge that He is the only other person to ever use that pen, except yours truly. {giggle.}
  • the announcement of the benefactor of a portion of ticket sales, the food bank of western massachusetts, {more introductions here} ~ and the bookstore owners bringing out a comically large check in the amount of $18,565.00 !
  • king, commenting on dead zone: “when mccain picked palin as his running mate, tabitha and i looked at each other and said ‘that’s greg stillson in a skirt!’ “
  • king, answering a question about his books-turned-movies: commenting on the new verizon commercial, where the two dead-looking twins get off the elevator, a-la-the shining, and say “it’s a dead zone here.” and how horrifying that kind of stuff is to him.
  • when asked by moderator joe donahue {host of “the roundtable” on WAMC, 90.3 FM}, “what’s your favorite curse word, and why?”…steve did a spot-on imitation of kathy bates as annie wilkes in “misery“: “he didn’t get out of that COCKADOODIE CARRRR!” …then expounded a little on expressions that cracked him up as a kid: “i wouldn’t give a tin shit!” and “shit or go blind.” …much laughter here. fellow author richard russo deferred answering first, so he could compose himself…and went on to tell a tale of how the “c” word is used commonly in england, much like “bitch” is here. how he called his daughter recently, who works in a family-owned frame shop in london, and her use of the word over the telephone. his kneejerk reaction: shock. then, chuckling, “i am so proud of her!” …thunderous applause.
  • stephen king discussing “on writing“, and the Q & A session at the conclusion of the discussion.

 this girl left with a huge shit-eatin grin on her face, and in her very heart.

in absentia…

Posted in art, bewilderness, inner peace, mindphuck, possible tragic events, tales of my sanity have been greatly exaggerated, the burdens of being upright on October 22, 2008 by whyvonne

yes, i have been absent. just a little too much going on in this life at present. i am frustrated over my inability/unwillingness/demotivation to express myself either through this venue, or visually as an artist.

a tiny spark has emerged through my association with massscribes, and their incredibly talented members. also some bright shiny spots have weaved themselves into my very soul due to my recently renewed reunion with former classmates who still practice the fine arts. i am at once in awe and more than somewhat intimidated

…but reflexively retreat rather than create.

i visualize a million tiny pieces of me, hurtling into space.

i am disappointed in my apparent lack of ability to dissociate emotionally and be more captain spock-like, capable of critical and logical thought, without all the complications of feelings.

and why ~ oh why ~ does my horrorscope have to be so SPOT ON today ?!?!

October 22

Whether you choose to acknowledge it or not, there is a child inside of you who needs tending, dear Leo. You are all grown up, and proud of who you have become. And well you should be. But we are all the sum total of who we once were. Today’s planetary positions suggest that you spend some time acknowledging the various parts of your past. That includes the good parts as well as the not-so-good parts. It is only after you have integrated all these different elements of yourself that you can truly be the person you are meant to be.

look for a post soon on my upcoming meeting with the king!, or my mother’s recent heart surgery, my collaboration on a book!, laying down some vocals with an old friend; or my new hiking and volleyball adventures…{giggle}…but certainly not the upcoming mindphuck which is the presidential election.

until then, i remain…
perplexed,

wherever you go, there you are…

Posted in bewilderness, growth & change, heartache, herself, inner peace, love, my inner child, shades of grey, survivors, tales of my sanity have been greatly exaggerated, the blues, the burdens of being upright, the darkness, trust, Uncategorized, W T F ? on August 8, 2008 by whyvonne

there’s an elephant in my living room!
{her name is MissTrust}
i try to lead her gently out the back door,
but she won’t budge.

i step around her gingerly,
and sometimes make believe she isn’t there.
but there she remains…

she has grown quite fat
over the years,
for so many have fed her,
unknowingly – unwittingly;
 without discretion or reservation.

she feels very comfortable here now,
welcome and nurtured…
so happy in her vastness.

i think i’ll let her stay
as long as she’d like,
and make my heart her home.

motivational lithographs

Posted in Christ-in-a-sidecar, herself, jesus krispies!, just phucking funny, smucking BRILLIANT!, tales of my sanity have been greatly exaggerated, Uncategorized on August 7, 2008 by whyvonne

i’ve been framed!

thanQ to my daughter’s friend brett, whom i have never even met,
for this “motivational” frame-up he designed on his myspace!
{not realizing i am actually a GMILF!…chuckle}

being 48 rocks!

T G I F

Posted in bewilderness, just phucking funny, tales of my sanity have been greatly exaggerated on July 25, 2008 by whyvonne

 

1. YOU SHOULDN’T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS, AND DON’T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.
 
2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.
 
3. IS ATHEISM A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION?
 
4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
 
5. IS THE MAIN REASON SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE?
6. IF I GO TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASK  ‘WHERE’S THE SELF-HELP SECTION? THEY SHOULD TELL ME TO HELP MYSELF…RIGHT?

7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

8. IF A DEAF PERSON SWEARS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO HARM HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

 

 

10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO ‘GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?’

12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

15. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE  WILL CLEAN THEM?

15B. SHOULDN’T THEY ATTACH SOMETHING BIGGER THAN A BIG WOODEN HANDLE OR BRICK THAT WON’T FIT IN YOUR CAR??

16. IF A TURTLE DOESN’T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?

21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON’T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE..

23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?

24. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

25. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

26. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

27. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

28. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD ‘LISP’ TO HAVE AN ‘S’ IN IT?

 

 

29. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED ‘HEMORRHOIDS’ INSTEAD OF ‘ASSTEROIDS’?

30. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN’T SHOOT AT THEM?

31. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM — DUH?

32. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES DOES HE BECOME DISORIENTED?

33. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?

 

 

 

 

 

mother’s day

Posted in fambly and friends, growth & change, heartache, herself, inner peace, love, my inner child, offspring, shades of grey, stirring of the soul, tales of my sanity have been greatly exaggerated, The Right Thing, trust, Uncategorized on May 10, 2008 by whyvonne

mother,

      during those early dearest days

            i did not dream that you had

                  a large life which included me,

                        for i had a life

                              which was only you.

~ maya angelou

my girl

Posted in art, heartache, jewel, love, lyrical, shades of grey, smucking BRILLIANT!, stirring of the soul, tales of my sanity have been greatly exaggerated, trust on April 4, 2008 by whyvonne

rastafarian jewel sings her lovely “kiss the flame”…

please, love, let’s make
no imparital vow…
let all fall away
that’s not crucial now

i want a brave love
one that makes me weak in the knees
i want a crazy, crazy love
one that makes me come undone
at the seams…

‘coz i’m tired of all these pilgrims
these puritans, these thieves
of all these unbelievers
who whittle love down
at the knees

let these swift roads destroy themselves
let the world fall into its sleep
for we shall be spared, we shall be left standing
to face what’s left of concrete and honey…

kiss the flame
let’s run with the hunted, the untamed
kiss the flame
embrace the faceless, the unnamed

there are nightmares on the corner
there are jokes on t.v.
there are people selling thougtlessness
with such casualty

where for art thou, romeo?
where have all the brave men gone?
show me one man who knows his own heart
to him i shall belong 

kiss the flame
let’s run with the hunted, the untamed
kiss the flame
embrace the faceless, the unnamed

please, love, let’s make
no impartial vow…