Archive for the the blues Category

dear mom,

Posted in a series of unfortunate events, acts of nature, bewilderness, changes, crossing over, growth & change, heartache, herself, inner peace, love, mindphuck, my inner child, shades of grey, silence, the blues, the burdens of being upright, the darkness on May 13, 2013 by whyvonne

yesterday was Mother’s Day; tomorrow would have been your 75th birthday.

I stood at your gravesite yesterday, and marveled at how lost I felt.

you’ve only been Gone From Me for 122 days. not that I’m counting…but it seems a marker…a placeholder in my life, to gauge the passage of time.

mine is a Complicated Grief, they tell me…since ours was a Complicated Relationship. when you Crossed Over, any hope of us ever having a true, nurturing relationship, died with you.

I keep trying to remind myself that yours was not an easy life…in part because you suffered through so many tragedies at so young an age: with John dying, then baby Shawn, and your father, all within 2 years of each other. such a huge series of losses…and I believe you were only 27. also in part because you chose such an unhappy path, and many unhealthy life choices. it is not my place to judge you, but you HAVE TO KNOW that I was always THAT GIRL, standing, stuck, in the greeting card aisle year after year on Mother’s Day…at a loss since Hallmark didn’t produce cards that spoke my truth.

life is complicated, and messy, and God knows all that and loves us anyway. I am sad that you never sought professional grief counseling after your Trinity of Loss. I am angry that you sought solace in drink, and couldn’t see the pain and devastation you wrought. I am bereft that you couldn’t be the Mother that I needed….ever.

but today, I am just crestfallen that this little girl doesn’t have her Mama anymore.

love, and peace,
yvonne elizabeth

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unit 28

Posted in a series of unfortunate events, bewilderness, Christ-in-a-sidecar, heartache, love, mindphuck, offspring, possible tragic events, survivors, the blues, the burdens of being upright, the darkness on March 26, 2009 by whyvonne

dark and dimming
so hopelessly sans hope,
you tried your hand again

what can i do for you? my plaintive wail
“put me back in your womb.”

helpless, shaking, spun around
feelings overwhelm and
i coccoon myself…

saturated with details
meetings, and calls
playing the game,
repeating your name
it’s all the same

i am here for you.
i fight for you, i comfort you
i cry for you, would die for you.
but who will save me?

wherever you go, there you are…

Posted in bewilderness, growth & change, heartache, herself, inner peace, love, my inner child, shades of grey, survivors, tales of my sanity have been greatly exaggerated, the blues, the burdens of being upright, the darkness, trust, Uncategorized, W T F ? on August 8, 2008 by whyvonne

there’s an elephant in my living room!
{her name is MissTrust}
i try to lead her gently out the back door,
but she won’t budge.

i step around her gingerly,
and sometimes make believe she isn’t there.
but there she remains…

she has grown quite fat
over the years,
for so many have fed her,
unknowingly – unwittingly;
 without discretion or reservation.

she feels very comfortable here now,
welcome and nurtured…
so happy in her vastness.

i think i’ll let her stay
as long as she’d like,
and make my heart her home.

slow fade

Posted in bewilderness, changes, heartache, inner peace, jewel, love, shades of grey, silence, the blues, the darkness, trust on April 2, 2008 by whyvonne

 

“…another fairytale fades to grey;

i’ve lived on hope just like a child
          walking that mile
faking that smile…

all the while,
wishing my heart had wings…”

silent house

Posted in bewilderness, grateful, heartache, heartless thief named alzheimer's, humble and grateful, inner peace, love, making a difference, nurturing, offspring, shades of grey, silence, stirring of the soul, storm, the blues, the darkness on March 28, 2008 by whyvonne

…listening to the ‘chicks’ earlier today; this song always tugs at my heartstrings.

my own paternal grandmother crossed over in 2004 after battling alzheimer’s disease.

i’ve rendered the lyrics in calligraphy; take a peek.

…God have mercy on the frozen man

Posted in art, fambly and friends, grateful, heartache, humble and grateful, inner peace, love, making a difference, stirring of the soul, the blues on March 19, 2008 by whyvonne

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a very moving, unplanned collaboration
a stirring of the soul…

details at ~m’s ‘blog

original post here.

i consider it an honor to be involved.

 

post-holiday ramblings

Posted in carpe diem!, changes, grateful, inner peace, offspring, silence, tales of my sanity have been greatly exaggerated, the blues on November 25, 2007 by whyvonne

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i truly don’t have anything intelligent or even mildly entertaining to say; i just remembered that my last post was a forwarded e-joke {shudder!}.

now that the ham bone is stripped and ready for simmering in a thick bubbling froth of green peas and as many vegetables as i can scare up,  my oldest son’s wedding is behind me, and my mandatory holiday shift requirement at the hospital has been fulfilled…i can concentrate on lighter, simpler things….such as writing, doing more calligraphy and hope-hope-hoping that my house re-construction will be complete in a few weeks.

sorry, Constant Readers….not much to look at here. i will make a valiant attempt to write something ‘blog-worthy over the next few days. currently, i just had to bump my last post. i couldn’t stand to look at it anymore.

peace.