Archive for the the darkness Category

fragility

Posted in bewilderness, changes, fact or fiction?, heartache, herself, ignorance and arrogance, inner peace, mindphuck, possible tragic events, the burdens of being upright, the darkness, trust on June 28, 2014 by whyvonne

blue

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fragile, fractured bird
Afraid of her own shadow
Convinced that every swift movement
Is a cause for concern

Certainly every male with a predatory intention,
sensing a weak resolve,
Will seek her out for his own self-elevation

Not alone by choice, lonely
Alone of her own volition, lost

Huddled in a tight ball of her own wings
Protecting herself….
Like no one else can.

Advertisements

dear mom,

Posted in a series of unfortunate events, acts of nature, bewilderness, changes, crossing over, growth & change, heartache, herself, inner peace, love, mindphuck, my inner child, shades of grey, silence, the blues, the burdens of being upright, the darkness on May 13, 2013 by whyvonne

yesterday was Mother’s Day; tomorrow would have been your 75th birthday.

I stood at your gravesite yesterday, and marveled at how lost I felt.

you’ve only been Gone From Me for 122 days. not that I’m counting…but it seems a marker…a placeholder in my life, to gauge the passage of time.

mine is a Complicated Grief, they tell me…since ours was a Complicated Relationship. when you Crossed Over, any hope of us ever having a true, nurturing relationship, died with you.

I keep trying to remind myself that yours was not an easy life…in part because you suffered through so many tragedies at so young an age: with John dying, then baby Shawn, and your father, all within 2 years of each other. such a huge series of losses…and I believe you were only 27. also in part because you chose such an unhappy path, and many unhealthy life choices. it is not my place to judge you, but you HAVE TO KNOW that I was always THAT GIRL, standing, stuck, in the greeting card aisle year after year on Mother’s Day…at a loss since Hallmark didn’t produce cards that spoke my truth.

life is complicated, and messy, and God knows all that and loves us anyway. I am sad that you never sought professional grief counseling after your Trinity of Loss. I am angry that you sought solace in drink, and couldn’t see the pain and devastation you wrought. I am bereft that you couldn’t be the Mother that I needed….ever.

but today, I am just crestfallen that this little girl doesn’t have her Mama anymore.

love, and peace,
yvonne elizabeth

20130513-201848.jpg

Mother’s Day 2013

Posted in a series of unfortunate events, acts of nature, bewilderness, changes, crossing over, growth & change, heartache, inner peace, love, mindphuck, my inner child, silence, the burdens of being upright, the darkness on May 12, 2013 by whyvonne

20130512-101117.jpg

122 days since you left.

I’m writing you a letter now.

I love you.

your little girl,
yvonne

unit 28

Posted in a series of unfortunate events, bewilderness, Christ-in-a-sidecar, heartache, love, mindphuck, offspring, possible tragic events, survivors, the blues, the burdens of being upright, the darkness on March 26, 2009 by whyvonne

dark and dimming
so hopelessly sans hope,
you tried your hand again

what can i do for you? my plaintive wail
“put me back in your womb.”

helpless, shaking, spun around
feelings overwhelm and
i coccoon myself…

saturated with details
meetings, and calls
playing the game,
repeating your name
it’s all the same

i am here for you.
i fight for you, i comfort you
i cry for you, would die for you.
but who will save me?

wherever you go, there you are…

Posted in bewilderness, growth & change, heartache, herself, inner peace, love, my inner child, shades of grey, survivors, tales of my sanity have been greatly exaggerated, the blues, the burdens of being upright, the darkness, trust, Uncategorized, W T F ? on August 8, 2008 by whyvonne

there’s an elephant in my living room!
{her name is MissTrust}
i try to lead her gently out the back door,
but she won’t budge.

i step around her gingerly,
and sometimes make believe she isn’t there.
but there she remains…

she has grown quite fat
over the years,
for so many have fed her,
unknowingly – unwittingly;
 without discretion or reservation.

she feels very comfortable here now,
welcome and nurtured…
so happy in her vastness.

i think i’ll let her stay
as long as she’d like,
and make my heart her home.

slow fade

Posted in bewilderness, changes, heartache, inner peace, jewel, love, shades of grey, silence, the blues, the darkness, trust on April 2, 2008 by whyvonne

 

“…another fairytale fades to grey;

i’ve lived on hope just like a child
          walking that mile
faking that smile…

all the while,
wishing my heart had wings…”

silent house

Posted in bewilderness, grateful, heartache, heartless thief named alzheimer's, humble and grateful, inner peace, love, making a difference, nurturing, offspring, shades of grey, silence, stirring of the soul, storm, the blues, the darkness on March 28, 2008 by whyvonne

…listening to the ‘chicks’ earlier today; this song always tugs at my heartstrings.

my own paternal grandmother crossed over in 2004 after battling alzheimer’s disease.

i’ve rendered the lyrics in calligraphy; take a peek.